4 Ways to be a Great Friend

If you had a yearbook in middle school, chances are you know what those letters in the pictures mean! “Best friends forever” and “love ya like a sister”. We thought we were so cool using our acronyms during yearbook signing day. Little did we know our children would develop an entire LANGUAGE just like that! Ha!

BFF is a term still used today to describe your besties, your tribe, your closest friend or friends. (However, if you are my age I don’t recommend still using the term BFF!) I have a friend I would consider my BFF. I haven’t known her for a lifetime, but just the past several years. When we became friends, we became fast friends and close friends. One of those rare people that thinks like you, parents like you, and you know has your back in any situation.

I was at a dinner at someone’s house and my friend’s name came up. The lady I was talking to said, “oh, I know her! She is my best friend!” Ummmm…excuse me?? Did she say my best friend was her best friend? Does she know how tight we are? All of those middle school girl thoughts rushed through my head in a split second and thankfully I didn’t say them out loud! In fact, it was not the first time I had heard someone claim my friend as their best friend. It had happened a few times before and when I heard it yet again, it made me really think about what was going on.

You see, my friend has this unbelievable ability to make all of us feel like her best friend. She connects with women all around our area and genuinely cares about them. I thought, what a gift that I get to consider this lady one of my best friends! You see, we are adults now. We don’t fight or get jealous because someone stole our BFF. No, we get excited to introduce her to someone else so that they will know how awesome she is as well. We thank God for her because her influence reaches far, wide, and deep. We are thankful that God gives us these people that love so well that the whole world says, “she is my best friend.”

I want to be that kind of friend. I want to be a person that makes people feel valued like she does. I want people to feel like I am their best friend because of the love and selflessness that I have shown to them. These are huge goals and not congruent with the world around us. The world encourages us to be selfish and self-centered and to be friends with those who can offer us something. My friend loves without expecting anything in return.

I am trying to watch and learn from her knowing I can’t be the best of friends with everyone I meet. But I can model after her and be the kind of friend that she is to everyone, the kind of friend that people feel so close to they say, “she is one of my best friends.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”

Here are a few things I have observed:

1. Listen more and talk less. This sounds obvious and a lesson we have known since we were kids, but do we practice it? When we leave a conversation, what was most of it about? She is so good at this that I have to be super intentional about making sure she talks about herself! She will let me go on and on and will listen and respond all day if I am not careful. Before I meet with her, I try to psyche myself up and say, “today we are going to talk about her!” But in her sweet way, it always turns back around and I get in the car saying, “She did it again! We only talked about me!” She listens well and hears what I am saying, what is at the heart of the words. It’s a gift she and others like her have, but something the rest of us can learn from and practice.
2. Give more, take less. I alluded to this earlier that we live in a selfish world. It’s easy to get sucked in to thinking relationships are for gain. Actually relationships are for giving… giving expecting nothing in return. That is counter-culture, but modeled for us on the cross. Jesus gave absolutely everything with no expectations from us. As we live with him as our model, we can’t help but be generous with our time, our talents, and our gifts. No greater love is there than this, that he would lay down his life for his friends. I see this in my sweet friend. She will give until it hurts and without expectation of anything in return.
3. More grace, more grace. That is not a typo, but written on purpose as a reminder to give grace on top of grace. Grace has been defined as getting something we don’t deserve. We ALL mess up, we say hurtful things, we make bad decisions. I have seen my friend hurt by others around her and then not hesitate for a second to extend grace over and over. She gives to people what they don’t really deserve. I am confident this comes because of an overflow of grace in her own life. She has realized the grace that God extends to us when we are far from deserving, and she quickly extends that to others. Who wouldn’t want a friend like that? You mess up, say something hurtful, and she forgives and extends grace, not keeping records of wrong. Let me be that kind of friend.
4. More Jesus, Less Us. Whether it is friendship or marriage, relationships built on Jesus and seeking Jesus will flourish. At the core of our friendship, what do we have in common? We began our friendship based on each of us having a relationship with Jesus and saw in each other a sister who is seeking to be more like Him. We are wives that want to love our husbands the way Jesus taught us to. We both desire to be moms who point our children to Jesus and are actively seeking to invest truth into their lives. We find joy in serving Jesus and sharing His message of life with those around us. She is the one to encourage me in those areas and the one to speak the truth if I get off track. Because our friendship is based on Jesus and not us, I know she has my best interest in mind and I trust what she tells me. She makes me a better disciple. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. ” I want be a friend that sharpens those around me.

Seek to be such a friend to others that they would say, “she is one of my best friends.” Not for the title of BFF, but because of the opportunity you have to invest in others. Sharpen them (Proverbs17:17), fan their flames (1 Timothy 1:6), be the fragrant aroma of Jesus in their lives (2 Corinthians 2:15).

LYLAS!